On the hunt for the perfect shoes...

there they were staring at me... the sexiest pair of pumps I have ever seen.  right there in Aldos.  and they were in 3 different colors.  Hmm...  the plan is to buy them in each color, to wear with what... i dont know but im sure i can find something.

I have been eyeing these pumps for a month now.  hoping they would go on sale   but no luck.  I guess I am just going to have to get them the good old fashioned way. 

ok so I went shopping.. bought some cute jeans and 2 tops that are really cute.  Ive been wantin a pair of skinny jeans but I keep realizin that my body  is not shaped for it.  But I managed to find a cute pair that didnt make me look like a pear. I was quite proud of my self.     I had to come home and hide my self rewards...lol.. i know that's bad but i just feel like hearing about how much i spend...  i work  hard for my money.

Valentines Day!!!

Spent V-day in bed...lol.. and not in a good way.  Somehow I had managed to catch a cold.

Medicine and plenty of liquids... what a way to spent the day.

I got to thinking...  that can be a very dangerous thing for me to do.  I am not spending this day the way I thought I would. With all the things that have been happening in my life, the feelings that I have been having as if something just wasnt right. A mind filled with questions,  did I make the right choice?  why does this seem so hard?  what is wrong with me?

I swear its time for me to start making some changes.

A day in the life...

So today I take "him" shopping for Valentines day. I get accused of getting my money from someone else. I work extrememly hard for the money I make and did not tutor after work and teach saturday school to not have money. I felt extremely insulted that I would have gotten money from some other person.... If I had I would have spent it on myself not him... come on give me a break. It seems like everything I do, I have to have a reason for doing it. I'm getting tired of trying. It is hard and it makes me unhappy. Everything I do is either questioned or not good enough.

Fear...

Looking back, I realize that I have thoroughly messed up. Somewhere along the way, my life got truly complicated. I have a good life... but something is still missing. I want more. I need more. I do know what is missing.

Scared.... thats the word that got me into this mess. If I had been strong enough to go after what I wanted, I wouldnt feel stuck in the life that I have. I prayed and prayed that God would direct me in the right direction. I must have missed the signs and made a wrong turn. Or maybe I saw the signs but chose to continue on. I continue to pray over things. I ask that God give me strength. I ask that he continue to bless me even though I was too scared to face the truth. I ask him to make things right again.

I am filled with so many feelings. Some I can share and many I can not. My shoulders are heavy with the weight of my world upon them.